The Truth

That's the thing about the truth
It's so delicate and helpless,
So fragile and evanescent
That you have to protect it -
You have to cup it in your hand
Or it'll go out like a tiny flame
Dying in the smoke that surrounds it.
That's what we're here for -
To see the truth,
Whatever little of it we understand
And bear witness
For fear that it would die
Under the onslaught of the world
And all the lies within it.
That's what gets me -
The truth is so weak,
All on its own,
And you just don't get it
Or you wouldn't try to bury it
And destroy it;
You wouldn't try to paint it
Into black and white -
The truth is too beautiful
To be restricted to the monochrome
But you don't get it
Or you wouldn't lie to me.

Epiphany

I created my god, who made yours?

A child was born,
A bunch of nerves
And wet sinews
Thrust into the world,
Alone
To search and seek,
And find which way was truth.
I was not helped -
No charity
To guide my feet
And hold my hand
And lead me on
To clarity -
In fact, on lies
And false hopes,
I was fed
To cloud and confuse
My aching head...

So I turned to the Spirit of the T,
The old, that is,
Before JC
And the thought occurred
As I suppose it must
To such minds as those of us,
Who are predisposed
To dwell upon such thoughts as those:
What kind of being
What god is he
That bridles with
Such human jealousy?
In the new is not more pleasant
For he sent himself,
His son, you say,
But himself, the same,
And though steeped in blind paradox,
Meaningless in its circularity,
Offered himself, his son, himself
As sacrificial present.
And even if my mind refused to reel
I would still be obliged to feel
A little miffed, annoyed too
That he fooled me, he fooled you.
A glorious mystery you'd believe,
That one is the other,
But not the same.
Can you be so daft?
Can I be so lame?
How could be, this miracle
That he be both, water and an icicle?
Oh the confused men
And self-righteous fools
Who gather 'round in awe
At these farcical jewels!

So I fashioned anew
A god of air,
A god with a small g
To show his humanity,
A god of hope
And not despair.
I gave him no name,
For names exist in reality
And he was but escape
For isn't that
What, deep down, we
Really, really crave?

I still don't know what I believe
Just it cannot be
In some silly fairy tale -
A god who one moment grants reprieve
And withholds it the next
To gauge our lowly hearts
When put, so 'justly', to the test.
I try to be straight and rational
But cannot help but feel
That there is still meaning,
Tho' it may illusion be
And if that's so,
That would fit,
If meaning is an illusion,
That's my god,
That's it.

Easy Answers

Easy answers,
I'm sure you'll find
Settle easiest
Upon the mind.
But given half
A rotten chance,
They'll twist you up
And make you dance.
They'll spin you round
Quick and nimble,
And claim the same
To be so simple.
A fairy exists,
You'll start to say,
A man-like angel,
That guides the day.
For who a watch
Has ever found,
With no maker
At all around?
But the truth, you know,
Ain't quite so silly -
That the world is run,
Quite willy-nilly -
In fact, this world,
Sense does make,
If you've the will
And gall to take,
Each belief,
Each idea too,
And hold it up
Like something new...
See its flaws
And study it
Or you'll find
You've been outwit
By simple tripe -
Sagacious nonsense,
By fallacy
And delusive pretense.

Sudden Realizations Are Rarely As Sudden As They Seem

I've been working on a poem called 'Epiphany' for ages. It started with a single line years ago - "I created my god, who made yours?". And then it just sat there, in an unnamed text file on my computer, until a few months ago, when I suddenly got the inspiration to try and finish it. I haven't yet, or I'd be posting it here, but I did make progress...

Anyway, it struck me that I came up with that line at a time I was still struggling to hold on to the faith I was brought up in; and I started wondering just about when I started questioning religion, when I first departed from the dogmas that had been drilled into me... The funny thing is I can't really pinpoint any specific thing...

If forced to pick a moment, I'd say it was the time I realized the Catholic church isn't half as tolerant as I had idealized it to be - when I was told the official doctrine was that Jesus was the way, the truth and the life, not just a way, a truth or a life.

But that was just part of an awakening I'd been struggling to deny for the longest time... Even when I was a child, I don't recall ever believing in an interventionist god - my god of the time was more of an imaginary friend, to whom I'd retreat and talk about things, especially when I was down about something or the other. Had to deal with a spot of bullying during my first year in a new school, a period when I was my most 'religious' in any sense. But I wasn't at all ritualistic (at least not religiously).

A Truth-seeker's Creed

Though steeped in ignorance and imperfection, though possessing a flawed perception and understanding, I hope I might, I hope I may, see the world as it is today.

As I journey in my quest for answers, may I ever wary be of those that seek to give pause to curiosity.

May I revel in mystery, but not as an end in itself, rather as a challenge to be overcome or an opportunity to explore.

May I be brave enough to challenge my beliefs, no matter how resolutely I may hold on to them, for if something can be destroyed by the truth, it should. May I be steadfast in finding the truth rather than proving anything to be true.

May I not be fooled by what is merely elegant, but seek what controls my anticipation and predicts results, which may itself be elegant, though this is in no way a prerequisite.

And yet, may I appreciate the elegance of this universe and its ways. May I be and live in awe of the sheer grandeur and magnificence of existence, always.

May I seek perfection, so that every step forward encourages one more, so that I never pause and look at what is accomplished as enough, so that I journey on to a boundless future.

May I not limit my thirst for knowledge for any reason. May I seek and seek and seek, for this universe is so grand and there is so much more to see.